Heat
by Ryoumi
Summary: [Nonsense, craziness, crack!pairing, crack!fic in general][Shounen-ai, Jiipu x Hakkai, bits of 58] "... maybe Jiipu's in heat?" Gojyo wonders why the little white dragon keeps attacking him and soon finds out. [Flames expected and accepted.][COMPLETE]


**Author's Notes: **Prepare for Yomi's crack-est fic yet. This fic is -sure- to totally weird out some of you guys, I just -know- it. This idea came to me out of nowhere in algebra class. Hope you enjoy... if you don't get squicked by the pairing...

**Rating**: PG-13, for implied weirdness, absolute non-sense, strange couples, and censored words? oO;;  
**Pairing(s)**: Jiipu x Hakkai, 58  
**Warning(s)**: Not for those squicked out by a little white dragon x a 22-year-old man.  
****

**"Heat"**  
  
"_Owowowow_!" Gojyo hissed as Jiipu spit a flame at him. "_What the ------ was that for_?!" he was so mad; he hadn't done anything to the stupid white dragon, so why the heck did it attack him?  
  
"Kyuuuuu!" Jiipu hissed back at Gojyo, tongue sticking out at the red-head. Jiipu wrapped his long neck around Hakkai's leg, as if he were hugging the tall brunette to himself.  
  
Hakkai just stood there, with Jiipu attatched to his left leg, the dragon stuck there like his life depended on it. Hakkai wondered why Jiipu was acting like this; normally, the white dragon would be pretty friendly around the hanyou; what had changed? He just couldn't figure it out...  
  
**Later on that day...**  
  
"_&-&-(&()754($-&)-$_!!" Gojyo let out a long string of obscene words. "That bastard dragon!"  
  
"Gojyo," Hakkai came in, a little worried. "What's wrong...? Oh my..." He looked at the... thing previously known as Gojyo's bed, now known as... a pile of burnt wood, some ashes, ripped sheets and charred feathers. "Did you do something bad to him?" Hakkai frowned.  
  
Gojyo thought back through the past couple of days, and came up with nothing. "Nuh uh... nothin' I can remember anyway..."  
  
Hakkai tried to drop the subject. "Umn... well, how's your burn?" Okay, he tried to drop the subject, and brought up something related to the subject... nice try, Hakkai.  
  
"Meh," Gojyo mumbled. "S'alright, I guess... _ow_! S'alright when you're not _poking_ it!!" Hakkai smiled sheepishly. "Sorry..." Hakkai apologized, kissing the still-warm burn on Gojyo's arm. "Is that better?"  
  
"Mmm..." Gojyo sighed. "Yeah... but I think I could use a little more..." He smirked at Hakkai.  
  
"Alright... I think I can do that." Hakkai smiled back at him, deep green eyes filled with playfullness. He hovered over Gojyo as the hanyou lay on the floor, crimson hair spilled out over carpet, contrasting sharply with the pure white of it. Hakkai leaned in closer to Gojyo's face, and...  
  
"_KYUUUUUUUUUUU_!!"  
  
"Jiipu...?"  
  
"**_WT(&&F_**?!?!"  
  
Gojyo was once again finding himself at the receiving end of Jiipu's wrath, if you could call it that. And once again, he didn't do anything. So what was the stupid flying rat's problem? Hakkai yoinked Jiipu right off of Gojyo's face, said man gasping for air due to near-suffocation by little white dragon. Gojyo was really confused and angry. He hadn't done anything to Jiipu, so why was he attacking him? There wasn't any reason except...  
  
... actually, he couldn't come up with one.  
  
**Dinner**  
  
Hakkai was a little disappointed in his and Gojyo's moment of fun getting cut short, and confused as to why his little pet was acting so... protective of him. Gojyo was getting aggravated by all of this. What did he do to deserve this? Why did he have to be the little dragon's tension-release or whatever the heck he was being used for?  
  
"... what if Jiipu's in _heat_?" Goku offered. The three (other) men at the table... well, they all certainly reacted to that statement. Sanzo just looked at him funny, Hakkai dropped his chopsticks, and Gojyo spit his food out, the food landing right next to Sanzo's plate. Not that the blonde noticed, since he was too busy staring at his idiot lover. Otherwise, Gojyo would've been beaten halfway-to-death by now.  
  
Suddenly, Gojyo burst out laughing. "Ohmi**GAWD** you did **NOT** just **SAY** what I **THINK** you said!!" he clutched his stomach as tears fell from his eyes. "Goku, only **FEMALES** go into heat!"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Jiipu ain't a girl!"  
  
"... shut up!"  
  
"Kyuu" Jiipu purred contentedly as Hakkai stroked him, soft fingers dancing over his small body. Jiipu moved his head closer to Hakkai's crotch. "Eh?" Hakkai blushed a little.  
  
"See?" Goku pointed. "Jiipu's in heat!"  
  
"Pssh! The little dragon's just a perv!"  
  
Hakkai leaned his ear down towards Jiipu's little mouth. Jiipu 'whispered' into Hakkai's ear and he blushed a bit, looking slightly flustered.  
  
"_Kyuuuu..._" Jiipu '_kyuu_'-ed seductively. As seductively as it could possibly get with such a cute sound, anyway. Hakkai gave a nervous smile. "Anou... I think I'll just put... Jiipu to sleep. Ehehehe..." Hakkai stood up from the table, Jiipu in his arms. Everyone watched Hakkai disappear through the door. There was silence for a moment, until...  
  
"_Nnnnnaaaaghhh!! Jiiiipuuuuuu_!!"  
  
Gojyo fainted, and Goku and Sanzo just stared at the door with very mixed emotions.  
  
**Some time later...  
**  
"Omedetto gozaimasu!" Yaone said cheerfully. "You've given birth to several healthy baby dragons!"  
  
Gojyo fell over. "I can't believe I lost to a stupid little white **_dragon_**!" he cried out. "The gods must hate me... must've been the work of that old **hag**..."  
  
**In heaven...**  
  
Kanzeon Bosatsu smiled, looking down at the little dragon and its not-quite master. "I hope you're finally happy now, Goujun..." she said, breaking out into a full smirk.


End file.
